Doing Hard Stuff

Sometimes I think how hard it is to be a mother of seven. How hard it is to be in school full time...while being said mother of seven. Sometimes I think how impossible it is that my husband travels while I'm in school full time while being a mother of seven. Whew!

You may be thinking, "Well, yeah! That WOULD BE hard!"

But then one of my teenagers comes home and I think how EASY my life is. I'm not trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, or what instrument to play, let alone what college to choose. I'm not devastated when someone criticizes my clothes, because adults don't really do that (even when you're wearing socks with sandals--um, yeah).

But that WAS me once.

That's why I write for Young Adults. Because I remember all too well what it's like to be a kid. To not be the one in control. And if I need a reminder? Well, my teens do a good job of throwing the occasional reality check right smack dab in the middle of my smug little "woe is me" face.

The hard part about being a teen is that you're not sure who is right and how often to listen. There are so many voices yelling at you to be this and be that. Kind of makes it hard to hear your own voice sometimes. No wonder teens sometimes act like they're deaf. They're just after some quality me time. And I totally get that.

How do I know? Because I was there. So were you.

I dealt with the noise by running and reading. I ran track and cross country and listened to music. I would disappear into my own little world and talk to myself, using my time "alone" to make plans for the future. Then I'd come home and read a book. Or do homework. Mostly read books. I could disappear into books for hours on end.

I found strength in the characters who were just like me, struggling and trying to survive their own trials of life. And they did survive. Heck, some of them even learned some good lessons. What a concept! It gave me courage to branch out on my own. To take risks and think about what I wanted to do. Who I wanted to be. So as a teen I began writing my own story, both in life and on paper.

And I'm still doing it today. Not only for myself but for teens...past and present. And you know life as an adult isn't really so different. Just more expensive. But hey! You get to wear sandals with socks!!

Happy writing and reading everyone!

What do English Degrees and Teaching Have in Common?

It's the same conversation over and over and over again...

Friend: So how is it with all the kids in school now? Enjoying your free time?
Me: *Maniacal laughter* I'm a Senior in college.
Friend: Ooooo how wonderful. What are you studying?
Me: English and Creative Writing.
Friend: So are you going to be a teacher?
Me: O.o

Next day. Different friend. Same. Exact. Conversation.

Can someone please explain to me why people always come to this conclusion? When I ask my teacher friends what they majored in, they didn't say English. And certainly not creative writing (except my Creative Writing professors). :)

They majored in Education. Or Early childhood education. Yes, there's an actual college for those studying to become teachers. Yes, I know a few English majors that plan on becoming certified to teach. My dear beloved sister is one of them. But she didn't always plan on being a teacher. She loves to write. Now she just wants to teach kids how to do the same thing. And my own husband got his PhD in Chemical Engineering so he could do research and one day teach.

I have so much love and respect for teachers. In fact, I've taught many a Sunday School class over the last 20+ years, and appreciate the heavy responsibility for a classroom of students. But I haven't taken on the beautiful task of molding and shaping them each and everyday, taking very little pay for so much work.

Unless you count motherhood. In which case, I have the best teaching job in the world!

So what I'm wondering I guess, is what do I say? Do I say, "Thank you so much for the compliment, but I'm not strong enough to do what you do"? Or do I continue to laugh politely as I have done and say, "No, I'm studying Creative Writing," in which I get the O.o response back.

"So you want to...write? As in..."
"Books," I answer.
"Oh. How exciting!"

Only some don't sound very excited. More like they're still trying to reason out the long toiling hours for even less pay! :) But yeah, I kind of thought it was exciting, too. That's why I'm majoring in English and Creative Writing. Maybe I'll just say the Creative Writing part from now on. Though someone is likely to misunderstand me again and ask me what kind of creative riding I do. Motorcycle? Horses?

*sigh*

What about you? What response do you get from others when they hear that you're a writer?

Writing Groups

Don't have one? Get one. Seriously. You won't regret it. How do I know?

I have one.

I believe that writing groups are essential for a writer's career, but also for helping the writer themselves. They are your friends, your confidants, the people you trust to look into your soul. You know, the bared one. The naked one that we protect so well. (Yes, I just used the word naked.) At least until it's time to critique. And because they're your friends they'll do it gently.

I cannot tell you how invaluable my group has been. We're called Moonwriters for the time of day that we write, though for myself I do best when the moon's on its last leg. We're also part of a larger group, a wonderful organization called American Night Writers Association. ANWA was organized over 20 years ago and includes beautiful ladies from around the globe. All these ladies have three things in common and all are essential for the writing I do.

1. They're all women. (sorry guys, but it's easier to do the naked thing in front of other women. You understand.)
2. They're all LDS. Each member of ANWA belongs to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And though I have MANY friends who are not of my faith, this group helps to service some of my particular needs.
3. They're all writers.

Trying to balance my life as wife, mother and writer is a constant struggle, but it's a little easier having a support group like this. And you want to know the best part? They can be there for you, too! How? you ask. So glad you did. :)

I know several of these ladies personally who go out of their way to blog for writers and give helpful hints towards bettering their craft. I'm jealous of their skill and time, and the way they can help more than just our group. Perhaps my blogging about them may count for something. :)

In my sidebar you'll find a list of these wonderful writers whom I hope to include on my future acknowledgements page. Some day. When I get published. Not if...when. Because with friends like them, how can I fail?

So what are you waiting for? Go get a group!

Lost and Found

Did you miss me?  I did. That is to say I've been a little bogged down in roles this last month.  Mother. Wife. Writer. Student. I feel like such a mix of people sometimes I have a hard time keeping track of who I am.

Of course, I'm all things wrapped into one...and sometimes I just have to take turns at which one I focus on.  It's been a struggle...especially seeing as how motherhood always takes a front row seat.  Yes, my husband is a huge help in being the other parental authority and my kids are a big support when it comes to the house (especially since they're the ones messing it up). And yes, my blog's a little wanting, though you have to admit the book trailers rock!  :)

But I keep reminding myself that it's all worth it.  That juggling multiple roles in life is real. It's the stuff books are made of.  Conflict. Characters. Resolution.  I AM my own novel in action...and by golly it's going to have a happy ending! even though right now I'm in the conflict stage.

It was during a particularly down moment yesterday that I found myself on Twitter. Folks, that place can be a time stealer, but it can also be a place for support...relief...answers. A simple tweet among hundreds popped up while I was on, and I found my way to the blog Women on Writing. (Thank you Elizabeth for getting me there!)

The topic was geared to writers, but for me it was so much more. I saw what the author was saying and realized that it also applied to my life as a Mom, student and wife...not just as a writer.  And I found new hope. "Make a list," she said.  A pros and cons list.  All the reasons for doing something, and then all the reasons to give it up.  Wow.  I mean, you wouldn't think a list like that could help, but I'm here to tell you it did.  Just THINKING about making a list was enough to remind me of who I am. What I was doing. And that it would ALL be worth it in the end.  ALL of it.  So what that I'm busy. I'm doing things that will bring me immense joy in the end. And possibly others.

In fact, I had someone in class the other day tell me that they appreciated one of my poems because they truly felt my grief and she could understand what I was going through (in the poem). I spent last night cuddled up next to my husband and children during a movie, and it didn't matter at all that I had homework to do. Today I'll be studying hard, but the house is already clean so there's actually time. Really. There's time for it all, folks. Maybe not all at once, and maybe it means being patient with all my writing goals, but it's worth it. WORTH IT!

Do you feel it? Do you know it for yourself? I challenge you to find out and see what a difference it makes in your life. In your writing. And who knows...maybe what you learn will be shared on Twitter one day and change someone else's life.  You never know.

That is, unless you dair to find out.  :)  Good luck!

Cookies and Writing

Are you ready for a mouth watering post? I am, and I've only written about ten words so far. Just thinking about cookies will do that to a person though.

So I've been thinking a lot about writing lately. (When am I not.) The components, voice and construction of taking a tantalizing thought and turning it into something I can hold in my hands; almost taste, it's so sweet and satisfying. Just like cookies.

So here's my recipe for writing...I mean making cookies...I mean...well, okay here we go. (And yes, the picture is of a real batch of cookies made in this very house. D2 made them. I taught her how. Just like I'm doing with her very own book.)

Desire

• This is the beginning. I want a cookie. I want it bad. Bad enough to make it myself because the store is too far away and mine will taste better than someone else's anyway. Or at least different. And different is good.

So what kind will I make? aka Genre

• There is a vast variety to choose from, with some people choosing to enjoy only one type to exclusion of all others. Others find themselves sampling a vast variety, sometimes one on top of the other. :o) What I choose to write is going to appeal to some, but maybe not all. Maybe nobody but myself. And that's okay, too.

Ingredients vs Components

• The ingredients for a cookie differ as widely as the content of one's novel, but there's a few basics you need to have for each one. Beginning. Middle. End. Flour. Eggs. Salt. Or is it chocolate, oatmeal and butter? Anyway, for fantasy you need something uh...fantastical. A Myth, a beast or two, or something other worldly that makes you rethink the realm you currently live in. And then makes you want to hide. Or embrace it. Or whatever. Romance? That's chocolate all the way baby. If it's got lots of chocolate it's a romance. If it's a new type of cookie it might take people a while to delve in. But when they do and enjoy it? They'll rave endlessly and you'll have more people wanting a sample than you know what to do with!

Construction versus Style

• My mom made cookies by hand. I use a mixer. Our cookies each came out a little different, yet people still enjoyed them equally as well. If you asked two people to write about the exact same topic and even gave them a recipe (plot, characters, timeline), their cookies would not come out the same. That's called style. Each person has their own, and it changes the dynamics of a story big time! Some like the cake-like texture of my mom's version. Others love the creamier, softer stuff made by my electric mixer. I've even noticed that they TASTE different when they're done. Weird. But true. Sometimes style makes all the difference in the world.

Time

• My chocolate chip cookies bake at 375 degrees for 11 minutes (on the nose). The sugar cookies bake at 400 for 8 minutes. The drop cookies don't even require an oven! Of course if my husband is baking the cookies he might leave them in a little longer depending on how how crispy he wants them to be (as in, "I want some dunking cookies tonight.") Talk about too many hands in the cookie pot. But alas, this too is like writing and is not all bad. Agents, editors and publishers will also want a say in the book's final product, so of course the time it's going to take a lot of work and patience to get a book from start to finish.

Finished product

Worth it. Enough said

Taking the Plunge

My daughter came home from band camp yesterday exhausted and feeling a little worse for wear. Yes, she was happy. Yes, she worked hard. But boy was she pooped. And they call band kids, geeks!

Sheesh.

Who's stupid idea was that anyway? I mean, you ought to see the arms on my kids. And their legs? I could roll out pizza dough with those calves. Seriously, folks. So maybe it's just that they're buff AND can play cool music. Yeah, that must be it.

Anyway, I overheard D2 telling D1 about the pool party her section had a couple weeks ago, where she was feeling a little less than buff. I mean, at 5' 2" in an 8 ft deep pool, who wouldn't feel a little intimidated? But her friends were encouraging, supportive, and challenged her to let go of the edge and join in the fun. "Sink or swim!" they called, egging her on. Well, kids are really good at issuing dares, so in she went.

And proceeded to tread water. The entire time. Gotta love those buff marching legs.

After I got done laughing along I got to thinking about how not only was that so typical of life, but of writing as well. At least for me. I have desire, hope, and a longing to join in the fun. But I'm scared. Feel in over my head. And all my friends are telling me to go for it. To take the plunge. Sink or swim. There's no in between.

But there is. And my daughter just proved it.

Writing isn't a do or die. A sink or swim. Caught in a cage with a shark circling around you. Unless you're querying Janet Reid, of course. No, writing is a process. A love of words. A dive into the pool of ideas that is right there waiting for you to enjoy. And treading is allowed. Encouraged even.

But reading, writing, twittering, blogging...all those things designed to keep your mind active and help you in pursuing your publishing goals are also the things that can eventually wear you down. Make you feel tired, frustrated, but worried that if you stop you'll sink. Disappear off the radar and no one will even notice.

My advice? Get a friend. Get a group. People that will keep you in check as well as offer you encouragement and support. And keep in mind that we're not meant to tread water forever. Eventually we'd burn out. That you don't have to be writing 24/7 and querying twice as much.

I mean, some days my kids come home from marching band and just crash. They've worked hard, toed the line, and now they simply need a break. A chance to let their bodies recover, and quite frankly build their muscles.

Did you know that? That while you're resting your body you're actually building muscles?

I've experienced that in running as well. That every now and again I take a break, go a little slower. Let my body recover and then feel stronger for it. In swimming you can float. In writing you can engage in a retreat...a bath...or some other way to give your mind a chance to rest and recoup its strength. Then, when you're ready you may find yourself a little more prepared to dive in once again. To take the plunge, go a little deeper, and have a renewed sense of self to keep working on your dream.

So how do you do it? How do you keep from getting burnt out? What secrets do you have for navigating the waters of writing while keeping a hold on the rest of life?

Don't worry...I've got your back.

Hahahahahahaha. My brother read my previous post while we were chatting online and he asked who he needed to come beat up before he got to the part where it said my "oven". We spent the next little while laughing and rehashing old stories where a threat to one family member meant a threat to all.

I should probably mention that there are 11 of us. Kids that is. We're a formidable presence wherever we go, not to mention our dedication to one another. And don't even get me started on my parents' abilities to defend their children. My Mom had a retort that would leave you speechless and Dad...well, let's just say that my history teacher never doubted my word again. In fact, I don't think he spoke to me for the rest of the year. (That was a good thing.)

And me? Well, I still remember the boy in PE who watched me coming down the field during soccer and yelled, "Look out, here she comes!"

Ha ha ha. I guess those ghastly tank tops we wore in track weren't so bad after all. Turns out they were great at revealing my shot-putting biceps and adding more "weight" to my threats.

So it goes without saying that we have a pretty solid reputation as a family. In a good way, of course. Unless you're the one making threats against us,that is. And the people we count as our friends? Yeah, we're there for you too, guys.

Another plus to the large family is always having your own personal cheering section. And that alone has the means to take the fear out of a lot of life's challenge. Even now.

My sister is the reason I'm writing again, and I'm forever grateful to her for her loving support and endless encouragement. Not to mention her degree in English that makes her the perfect sounding board and grammatical editor.

I think we all have it in us to be someone's answer to a prayer. As writers, as friends, as strangers who respond when the call for help comes. There's no end to what we can do, but do we must. Stand up for what's right and defend the just cause.

Call me determined, call me a tom-boy, call me whatever you want. Just make sure it's nice or my family is going to come pound your face. Seriously. My oven is shaking in it's wall socket right now. :)

So what about you? Do you have a family member or friend who is always there to help? Or are you the one people always count on to answer the call and come to their aid?

Yeah...that's what I thought. So go on. Make a difference. If you dair...